Pokemon: Diamond & Pearl

First, let’s get a few things out of the way. I like women, I am married, I have a job (not just the glamorous Craptastictv gig), and I do not have any action figure collections. OK, now that we have that out of the way, let me just say this, I do not hate this series.

Pokemon, for those that might read this article the first thing after you have wakened from a 20 year coma, loosely means “Pocket Monsters” in Japanese (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā). The object of the game is to collect the Pokemon, increase their powers and have them battle other Trainer’s Pokemon until you become the strongest Pokemon Trainer, the Pokemon Master.

I really tried to keep my kids away from the whole Pokemon thing for quite a few years. A cynical person might say that the point of Pokemon is to make money. Especially, since there are over 400+ of the little buggers (not Bug Type) and with every fresh installment they add a few more thus forcing the mindless Poke – Automatons to buy more games. To make it worse, each time they release a new Pokemon game they release it in two flavors with a few Pokemons that are unique to each. This is why it is not called Pokemon Diamond, but Diamond AND Pearl (and Pearl is the superior of the two).

Twins!The series now is about Ash, Brock (The Japanese Stewart French) and Dawn as they travel about the Sinnoh Region (don’t ask) exploring. The series is typical Japanese Anime, that is, very crappy animation which is the norm. Seriously, it looks terrible. I do like the style and colors, but the animation is atrocious. Static backgrounds, the people do not move when they talk-other than their mouths. I’m not sure if they even blink.

Another thing that I am so-so on is Team Rocket. They are in pretty much every episode and do something stupid every episode. It gets annoying. Still, I will give them style points for their awesome coifed hair and the clothes that they have. Not to mention they have about the only intelligently SPEAKING Pokemon on the series, Meowth. In addition, they have a Wobbuffet. Which I am so very ashamed to say that I find it to be quite funny and quirky.

That said, I do like this series. At least the ones that I have watched with my kids. I found the stories to be somewhat entertaining, certainly they do show quite a bit of imagination. And when I say imagination, I don’t mean just making up a bunch of odd names for this or silly landmarks like say… “Jay Jay the Jet Plane’s” Sparkleberry Tree, gah! Big Jake run me over please, if I have to watch that show again!

Oh, and I was right about my initial feeling towards it. Every time I watch this show with the kids I feel like going and playing Pokemon Pearl or Pokemon Ruby or Pokemon Battle Revolution…

The A-Team Movie

Director John Singleton said “I don’t know who is in the cast yet…but I do know that the only person I want right now is, that I really, really want is Woody Harrelson to play Murdock – the guy who is crazy but he’s kind of real smart, a jack of all trades. That’s the only person I really, really want.”

In a related story someone fell asleep on the couch.

Silly Monk

Hey, I like Monk and most of the time find it to be a clever show. I
know that sometimes the endings seem a bit contrived and I am fine
with that, as long as they are not to out there.

That said, maybe they are running out of ideas or have a new set of
writers that watched a bit too much Scooby-Doo when they were kids. I
swear, all that was missing was the bad guy saying “I would have
gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for that meddling Monk and his

Anyway, this particular episode had perhaps the most idiotic thing I
have ever seen on the series. Some kids were skateboarding and the guy
fell and his board rolled into a parked car hitting the front bumper.
The car happened to have a dead guy in it, well when the captain came
and investigated the crime scene he noticed the scratch and said the
scratch was fresh, “just a few hours old”.

Now I have had idiots scratch and ding my car in the CraptasticTV
headquarters parking garage, but I have never been able to pin the
time so precisely. If the captain had said recently, yeah, I would
have been ok with it, but a few hours? HOW?

Anyway, hopefully this was just an isolated Monk and not the future.

WHY? Please no! The Day The Earth Stood Still remake

WHY WHY WHY would ANYONE try and do a remake of the classic 1951 film
The Day The Earth Stood Still?

Serious why, what next, a remake of The Godfather?

You know there are two types of remakes that should never ever be
done. The first are movies that are so good to begin with it is
pointless to remake it, you will not be able to improve it, at best
the new version will just be passable.

The other type of movie is the one that was a loser to begin with,
Rollerball for instance, the original was nothing great, and gee, the
newer version, not even that.

Anyway, what is the point, when they announced this “project” the
writers were not on strike yet, so why recycle old material?

Jennifer Connelly will play the role of Helen Benson (played by
Patricia Neal in the original. Kathy Bates will also be in the movie,
no word yet on how long or graphic her obligatory nude scene will be.

To top it off, Mister Keanu Reeves will play Klatuu, I had him pegged
for the role as Robot #1. Guess he is being miscast.

The great thing is that you just know they will give the film a modern
spin, after all, not like he original film did not bring up a lot of
questions, but by golly, we can do better. And by better I really mean
make the questions be irrelevant and pointless, much like the film
will be. It is rumored that instead of Klatuu saying “klaatu barata
nikto” he will merely say “whoa”.

Well mark your calendars for this 2008 Crapfest coming to a theater
near you my dear reader!

How I saved the flight out of BFE

I find Apple commercials to be insipid little pieces of living hell. The commercials are a bit too smug and self-righteous for my liking. I am sure the Mac-Faithful eat them up like a pig to swill, but for me they are annoying.

Anyways, the latest iPhone commercial centers on a pilot that is grounded due to bad weather. While waiting, he uses his iPhone to check the local weather conditions and discovers that the storms are passing. He notifies the tower (not sure if he used the iPhone or used the tin cup and string that his plane is equipped with?) that the storms are passing and that his plane can take off soon.

Let me get this straight. The PILOT is looking up weather data on his iPhone instead of using the high-tech data that is readily available to aviation professionals in general? Is he piloting a flying doghouse that he sits on top of?

Where is this airport that is so clueless about weather? Does the control tower have a rope hanging out on their back porch door with a sign that says:

If the rope is moving it is windy.
If the rope is wet then it is raining.
If the rope is dry it is sunny.
If you are reading this then welcome to BFE Airport, Gateway to ignorance.

Really, anyone that uses the internet with the iPhone knows how slow it is. Radar photos, especially animated ones are big. By the time the iPhone loads the image the season would have already changed. Perhaps he connected via Wi-Fi? Maybe the plane was near a Starbucks? Nah… what are the odds anyone would ever be that close to a Starbucks since they are so rare.

This commercial is just stupid! The iPhone is slick. No question there, but PLEASE do not insult my intelligence with this crap!


Tuesday night I was feeling open minded and decided to take a chance on the new TV show “Cavemen”.  The GEICO commercials with the cavemen in them weren’t bad so I thought that it might be a safe bet.  Oh how wrong I was…

The three cavemen were hanging out at a Fruitberry Frozen yogurt-shop and not surprisingly, the girl behind the counter was the Cavegirl next door.  After what seemed like an eternity, the Cavegirl and one of the Cavemen were back at his crib going animal on each other.  I was speechless.

Man, it’s hard to shake that off!  It felt like the stink from a sweaty, wet dog!  I couldn’t watch it any more.  Train wrecks are one thing, but cavepeople doing the nasty on TV, no way! 

To say that the show was bad would be this week’s understatement!  The writing was terrible and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that smell out of my head! 

Bottom line, just say NO to “Cavemen”!

A helpful guide for discussing “ED” with your 8 year old.

A few weeks ago we were watching a football game and I did not mute the TV when the game went to a commercial. Unfortunately instead of seeing an oh-so rare Coors Light Commercial we were treated to a Cialis commercial.

I honestly do not remember which Cialis commercial it was. Just some shots of anxious guys eating dinner with nervous dates with hopeful “did he go to the pharmacy” looks on their faces.

While all this was going on the deep voiced announcer talked about the sad and serious business that is ED and how it can be addressed. So about this time my 8 year old son asked me, “Daddy, what is ED?”.

Great, this is REALLY what I want to talk about with my son. Don’t get me wrong, we have had talks with him about how all the plumbing works and what is what but do I really need to school my 8 year old on the intricacies of erectile dysfunction?

Maybe if I was a bit more politically correct and this was an ABC After School Special I would have paused the game and fetched a firm cucumber and explained how when the cucumber gets old it wrinkles up and can not be used in a hearty salad. When this happens the cucumber can only be made hard again via a “Pickling Processä”, where once again it can be used to liven up a salad (assuming it is Kosher).

As it stands I just said, “huh, what?”, and then answered NO, never heard of it and it will NEVER happen to me or you. Then we went outside and I practiced throwing a football through a tire swing, subtle…

Thanks guys!

80’s TV Comfort Food

“Designing Women”, the TV show reruns are great! I watched a 4 show block on TV Land last night. It was hard to believe that they were showing 4 in a row. Since I’m sick with a cold it was just what I needed. Vegging in front of one of my Comfort Food types of 80’s sitcoms makes life better.

It’s hard to believe that the show started 21 years ago! I was interested in it initially because Annie Potts who plays Mary Jo was in it. Remember her from the 1986 hit movie “Pretty in Pink”? She was great there and I was really intrigued to see her on a TV show. Even though her character was a lot different on “Designing Women”, I still liked her. For those of you who saw “Pretty in Pink”, remember how she acted at the very end of the movie? Well, I think that “Iona” changed her name and moved to Atlanta for “Designing Women”!

Occasionally the show does have a little “Preachy-ness” to it. Some of the topics were taboo for their day. Sadly, a few were taken, strangled and left for you, the viewer, to digest-or not. That would be my only gripe. Other than that, I usually liked the episodes.

Anyways, it’s still a great show. Since I live in the Psuedo South, I really enjoyed looking at how the women dress and how they carry themselves. Even when Julia gets her head caught in a banister, she still pulls off having class. How do you do that?

The Biggest Loser

I have to come out and say it, we as a society are idiots. We have to be idiots if this is what we are watching and calling entertainment. Despite what you are thinking right now I am not some sort of chiseled Adonis, I am tubby, but I would not want to make a show about me losing weight (unless something threw large amounts of cash at me to do so).

Here we have a show that in it’s essence is about people sitting on their couches/lazyboys/patio furniture watching fat people lose weight. It makes me wonder will we be seeing grass growing or paint drying competitions in the future?

Coming in the Fall of 2009 to NBC, “The Grass is Greener“, in a neighborhood with yards gone bad see which challengers grass will grow faster…

Losing weight, hey, I am all for it, but do we need to have the tension ratchet up like they do every week? Well yes actually, who the heck would watch it otherwise?

I came in on the weigh in portion, I have to ask myself, do we need to see such an array of “manboobs”? Some of the guys probably have nicer racks than the women do, just a lot more hair. Couldn’t they have them wear a Manzier or a Bro or a tank top?

I digress, if it was a 1/2 hour show, with them working out, maybe messing around and doing goofy stuff and then weighing in, I might be able to stomach it (get it, funny). Watching the trainers clinch their little metro-sexual fists and pump them furiously when their team wins, that is too much “tension”.

Opps, I am really losing interest in writing any more about this, avoid it like a diet menu at Dennys..