Bad TV Ideas, Part I

Overheard at a network…

Network Guy #1: I was kind of wanting more of a stalker from afar thing.

Network Guy #2: Pitch it to Melhman as "Argyle Stalkings" another noir sitcom about a stay at home computer programmer dad by day & former girlfriend stalker at night. Starring Patton Oswalt, Drew Carey and/or Andy Richter, four of five precocious smart assed kids and Lisa Kudrow as the impossibly hot mom.

Network Guy #1: I think I understand it, but what is the mom’s motivation?

Network Guy #2: A less kinky Desperate Housewives.

Network Guy #1: I am getting it, make sure she has a "SASS" about her.

Network Guy #2: Sassy and uh-saucy…

Network Guy #1: But as you know, all hot moms on TV have to have some sort of weakness or idiosyncrasy.

Network Guy #2: Mine will be a fanatical collector of Civil War battlefield turf.

Network Guy #1: Maybe have an episode where her Franklin Mint Civil War Chess sets Robert E. Lee gets his hands pulled off?

Network Guy #2: That’s good, I thought for our Emmy submission…. "Who can say where the path through the field leads when mom finds out why she will never complete her collection with that patch of grass from the battle of the Merrimack and Monitor". With special guest star Susan Sarandon as the Secretary of Agriculture.

Network Guy #1: Ohh, I like that, cliffhanger possibilities!! Maybe she decided to try and get Sea Grass and almost drowns but is rescued by special guest star …. Tim Robbins (appearing as Captain Buck Downfellow), obviously this would be the next season starter…

Network Guy #2: Good, ties in well with Mrs. Sarandon, we’ll of course need to have a hot young reality show winner on the show to have a wardrobe malfunction.

Network Guy #1: Yeah, maybe a malfunction with Clay Aikens cod piece?

Network Guy #2: Eeewewwww, I may never eat cocktail weenies again!

Network Guy #1: Guess I took it one too far?

Network Guy #2: It’s ok,, been that kind of day.

Network Guy #1: Clay Aiken is kind of squirrelly.

Network Guy #2: Nuts to you sir.

Network Guy #1: So you got the nuts and I got the cocktail weenie. Hmmm, international spy/thriller/romance/Moonlighting/Remington Steel thingy…

"Nuts in Vienna?"

Network Guy #2: Vienna Nuts! Kind of like Arabian Nights.

Network Guy #1: Pure gold baby! But who to cast in it?

Network Guy #2: Matthew McConaughey( lead, hunk ), Paul Giamatti ( comic relief, acting credibility) Dennis Franz ( gruff superior), Kate Beckinsale (euro-hottie), Stellan Skarsgård & Peter Stormare ( dirty euro badguys) and Mos Def (token).

Network Guy #1: I like it, any ideas for the pilot?
Maybe Matthew McConaughey is out late one night in Vienna looking for a something only a stupid American lout would be looking for(a non scented hooker) and saves the Euro-trash hottie from the bad guys and in the process forms a loose partnership with her while she looks for something to help solve a mystery?? The catch is that she hates his rude-selfish American ways.

Network Guy #2: A morality play on why American rudeness is much more of an affront than Euro rudeness? Of course it would have to be set in the 1930’s but have overtones applicable to today’s world events.

Network Guy #1: Yeah, maybe a pre WWII kind of thing?
Either that or the 70’s and kind of a swinging thing?

Network Guy #2: Watch out don’t want Mike Meyers to sue us.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *