How I saved the flight out of BFE

I find Apple commercials to be insipid little pieces of living hell. The commercials are a bit too smug and self-righteous for my liking. I am sure the Mac-Faithful eat them up like a pig to swill, but for me they are annoying.

Anyways, the latest iPhone commercial centers on a pilot that is grounded due to bad weather. While waiting, he uses his iPhone to check the local weather conditions and discovers that the storms are passing. He notifies the tower (not sure if he used the iPhone or used the tin cup and string that his plane is equipped with?) that the storms are passing and that his plane can take off soon.

Let me get this straight. The PILOT is looking up weather data on his iPhone instead of using the high-tech data that is readily available to aviation professionals in general? Is he piloting a flying doghouse that he sits on top of?

Where is this airport that is so clueless about weather? Does the control tower have a rope hanging out on their back porch door with a sign that says:

If the rope is moving it is windy.
If the rope is wet then it is raining.
If the rope is dry it is sunny.
If you are reading this then welcome to BFE Airport, Gateway to ignorance.

Really, anyone that uses the internet with the iPhone knows how slow it is. Radar photos, especially animated ones are big. By the time the iPhone loads the image the season would have already changed. Perhaps he connected via Wi-Fi? Maybe the plane was near a Starbucks? Nah… what are the odds anyone would ever be that close to a Starbucks since they are so rare.

This commercial is just stupid! The iPhone is slick. No question there, but PLEASE do not insult my intelligence with this crap!


Tuesday night I was feeling open minded and decided to take a chance on the new TV show “Cavemen”.  The GEICO commercials with the cavemen in them weren’t bad so I thought that it might be a safe bet.  Oh how wrong I was…

The three cavemen were hanging out at a Fruitberry Frozen yogurt-shop and not surprisingly, the girl behind the counter was the Cavegirl next door.  After what seemed like an eternity, the Cavegirl and one of the Cavemen were back at his crib going animal on each other.  I was speechless.

Man, it’s hard to shake that off!  It felt like the stink from a sweaty, wet dog!  I couldn’t watch it any more.  Train wrecks are one thing, but cavepeople doing the nasty on TV, no way! 

To say that the show was bad would be this week’s understatement!  The writing was terrible and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that smell out of my head! 

Bottom line, just say NO to “Cavemen”!

A helpful guide for discussing “ED” with your 8 year old.

A few weeks ago we were watching a football game and I did not mute the TV when the game went to a commercial. Unfortunately instead of seeing an oh-so rare Coors Light Commercial we were treated to a Cialis commercial.

I honestly do not remember which Cialis commercial it was. Just some shots of anxious guys eating dinner with nervous dates with hopeful “did he go to the pharmacy” looks on their faces.

While all this was going on the deep voiced announcer talked about the sad and serious business that is ED and how it can be addressed. So about this time my 8 year old son asked me, “Daddy, what is ED?”.

Great, this is REALLY what I want to talk about with my son. Don’t get me wrong, we have had talks with him about how all the plumbing works and what is what but do I really need to school my 8 year old on the intricacies of erectile dysfunction?

Maybe if I was a bit more politically correct and this was an ABC After School Special I would have paused the game and fetched a firm cucumber and explained how when the cucumber gets old it wrinkles up and can not be used in a hearty salad. When this happens the cucumber can only be made hard again via a “Pickling Processä”, where once again it can be used to liven up a salad (assuming it is Kosher).

As it stands I just said, “huh, what?”, and then answered NO, never heard of it and it will NEVER happen to me or you. Then we went outside and I practiced throwing a football through a tire swing, subtle…

Thanks guys!

80’s TV Comfort Food

“Designing Women”, the TV show reruns are great! I watched a 4 show block on TV Land last night. It was hard to believe that they were showing 4 in a row. Since I’m sick with a cold it was just what I needed. Vegging in front of one of my Comfort Food types of 80’s sitcoms makes life better.

It’s hard to believe that the show started 21 years ago! I was interested in it initially because Annie Potts who plays Mary Jo was in it. Remember her from the 1986 hit movie “Pretty in Pink”? She was great there and I was really intrigued to see her on a TV show. Even though her character was a lot different on “Designing Women”, I still liked her. For those of you who saw “Pretty in Pink”, remember how she acted at the very end of the movie? Well, I think that “Iona” changed her name and moved to Atlanta for “Designing Women”!

Occasionally the show does have a little “Preachy-ness” to it. Some of the topics were taboo for their day. Sadly, a few were taken, strangled and left for you, the viewer, to digest-or not. That would be my only gripe. Other than that, I usually liked the episodes.

Anyways, it’s still a great show. Since I live in the Psuedo South, I really enjoyed looking at how the women dress and how they carry themselves. Even when Julia gets her head caught in a banister, she still pulls off having class. How do you do that?

The Biggest Loser

I have to come out and say it, we as a society are idiots. We have to be idiots if this is what we are watching and calling entertainment. Despite what you are thinking right now I am not some sort of chiseled Adonis, I am tubby, but I would not want to make a show about me losing weight (unless something threw large amounts of cash at me to do so).

Here we have a show that in it’s essence is about people sitting on their couches/lazyboys/patio furniture watching fat people lose weight. It makes me wonder will we be seeing grass growing or paint drying competitions in the future?

Coming in the Fall of 2009 to NBC, “The Grass is Greener“, in a neighborhood with yards gone bad see which challengers grass will grow faster…

Losing weight, hey, I am all for it, but do we need to have the tension ratchet up like they do every week? Well yes actually, who the heck would watch it otherwise?

I came in on the weigh in portion, I have to ask myself, do we need to see such an array of “manboobs”? Some of the guys probably have nicer racks than the women do, just a lot more hair. Couldn’t they have them wear a Manzier or a Bro or a tank top?

I digress, if it was a 1/2 hour show, with them working out, maybe messing around and doing goofy stuff and then weighing in, I might be able to stomach it (get it, funny). Watching the trainers clinch their little metro-sexual fists and pump them furiously when their team wins, that is too much “tension”.

Opps, I am really losing interest in writing any more about this, avoid it like a diet menu at Dennys..